Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
