Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
