my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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