Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
