I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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