True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
