he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
