i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
