2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
another moral hangover. fuck.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
