Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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