My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
