How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
