Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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