Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We left the knife in your bed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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