I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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