I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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