she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize