Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
