Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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