mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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