i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
