i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
