Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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