im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize