It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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