Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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