Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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