I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
