Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
