"it" just moved
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
