Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
