So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
