we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
