Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
