her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
