I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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