oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will pee on everything he values.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
