I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
