You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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