my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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