Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
