Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
