The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
