So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
