He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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