I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
