I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize