is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
