So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
