I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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