hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
