help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize