Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
