Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
