i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
