Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
