I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
