She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
