He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
