Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
