ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
