i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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