and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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