the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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