a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
