After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize