What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
