Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
