woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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