11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
