this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
