I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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