She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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